A journey towards greater faith and creativity

Latest

When Life Ebbs

Sometimes I wonder why I keep paying for the domain name attached to this blog when I so rarely post anything. It never auto renews properly and can be a bit of a hassle. But I like having the simpler name than what would be the WordPress default. It’s easier to remember and share elsewhere. And I do still post, when I feel like I have something I can share.

The last couple weeks have just been… well, life ebbing.

Why did it have to be the driver’s side windshield wiper that quit? Especially in the middle of a northern BC winter. Well, hopefully it will get fixed today, if things go even sort of right. As much as I hate the deep freeze (we saw -42C with wind chill this year), the cold and clear has meant the windshield stays clear without the wipers.

The subpoena for Valentine’s day. I knew it was coming. I know why, when the trial is, what it’s all for. I also know there’s a publication ban for protection of the victim. It’s always for the protection of the victim and I’m fine with that. But that’s almost the only thing I got for Valentine’s day this year. Why couldn’t they have waited twenty-four hours?

My birthday. Ugh.

It isn’t that I’m getting older. I’m fine with that. It’s the two week or more annual pre-birthday funk. And the not knowing what I want to do for it. And the feeling like nobody else cares. Also the tendency of certain people to forget when they can manage to remember other family birthdays. Most years I would happily skip most of February to avoid all this.

And then this borrowed laptop not wanting to work properly when I still need it for another couple weeks. I know it’s old. And I know it won’t even consider running the OS I would prefer. I don’t care if it quits once it goes back to its owner. I’m not sure he cares either because he’s knows it’s old. But just for another week or two. Just until I can replace my old one that quit.

Blessings mixed with ebbings, because that’s the way this life goes. I guess the trick is to keep watch for the blessings.

 

Happy Birthday to my sister, B. Heather Mantler

Advertisements

2018

It feels like 2018 started at the end of May. I barely remember any of what happened in the months before that. What I remember is the contrast of events in the months following May.

What happened in late May and early June is going to carry over into 2019 and possibly beyond. While I’m not looking forward to dealing with what’s coming and the fallout, I will be happy to have it finally behind us.

“It never rains, but it pours”… Wow is this so true.

Since May:

My phone died and had to be replaced. We don’t have a household land line, so my phone is the number everything related to myself and our daughter uses… doctors, family, other agencies we’re dealing with. Fortunately, I was able to get the phone I wanted without laying out a fortune up front and without having to change my monthly plan.

My laptop died. We were able to have everything on it transferred to an external hard drive and a friend has loaned me a laptop which works adequately for the moment. My husband has promised me a new one come income tax return and I’m looking forward to that.

The nephew of a woman I’ve gotten to know through church was critically injured in a single vehicle accident. While not directly affecting me and mine, it’s still a shock and I’ve listened to her talk about how it’s affected her and her family. Miraculously, this man has recovered enough to return home and get back to his life, even if it isn’t the same as before.

But then came word of a multi-vehicle accident which killed two, a father and son, and left a third in hospital for months. The boy who died was a playmate of my daughter’s from the time she was two. He and his father were people I knew to see… and was used to seeing around. It’s so strange to see the surviving members of their family without them now. News of deaths, even of fictional characters, affects my daughter strongly right now and I’m grateful for the supports we have around us.

My husband was diagnosed with a testicular cancer and had his fifth major surgery. He has recovered well and the doctors believe they got it all, but the follow up will continue over the next three years. As a result of the surgery, he spent six weeks off work.

And then the head colds and flus resulting from a lack of extreme cold weather to kill of the bugs. I’ve had a cough for more than a month that just won’t quit.

And yet, through all this we’ve had incredible support from family and friends around us. We’ve had desperately needed financial assistance from a variety of sources. We’ve had people we’re able to talk to, who listen and support us. We’ve been able to get the things we need, as we need them. Through everything this year, I’ve had an incredible experience with the way God Blesses us.

For everything that’s happened (I may have missed some of the less glaring issues here), it has not felt like a bad year. 2018 has been an eye opening year. A year which has highlighted what is most important to us and the ways God is able to provide no matter how bad things feel at the time.

Thank you, 2018. And Thank you, God.

Life & Things

A lot has been happening in the months since I last found the time/energy/inspiration to write a blog post. I’m an intermittent blogger at best, I know. But life goes by cycles and undoubtedly this will continue to do so as well.

Today is the 15th anniversary of my marriage to a man I appreciate more all the time. This morning, for example, I came downstairs dreading the mess in the kitchen. Doing dishes requires not only energy, but the wherewithal to tolerate pain in my back, hips, and/or feet for the duration. But when I walked into the kitchen, I found my husband had done up a load of the things we need most somewhere between getting home from work and coming to bed. I love him. And all the things he does for us.

I’m writing on my phone… A definite first for me. But my laptop started randomly turning itself off. When it is on, I can’t get it to open an internet browser. While there shouldn’t be any reason I can’t get everything I need off the hard drive backed up onto my external storage devices (I have more external storage than internal,) the laptop itself is nearly as old as my daughter and easier to replace than attempt to get fixed. Of course the next trick will be finding funds.

And funds are tight right now, even with the insane amount of overtime my husband has been working due to co-workers taking time off. Our roommate had to go (long story involving an open police investigation, which isn’t going to appear on this blog ever due to the nature of what happened) and we lost the help paying the rent and bills. We can survive where we are. Which is a good thing because finding cheaper accommodations isn’t happening in this town. And I’m not sure I want another roommate. It’s been nice to be just our family, without anyone extra. The biggest issue is the money. (Isn’t it always?)

While I may not be writing much until my laptop is replaced, I have plenty of other projects. The house needs a certain amount of cleaning up/out, as always. Also, there’s a growing pile of unfinished crochet projects and another of cross stitch projects I haven’t looked at in years. But, due to a switching around of rooms, I have proper crafting space again. (There’s a picture on Instagram if you’re really curious.) So there’s lots of work to do and no reason for me to spend as much time playing games on my phone as I do. (Not even getting into library books to finish reading.)

My daughter can’t wait for back-to-school, so she can see her friends and classmates again. Also because we’re getting too much smoke and ash from wildfires for her to play outside. While she’s happy the two week break from taekwon-do is over, I think she’ll be happier to be getting out more.

Tired… Need Rest

Honestly, today the last thing I feel like doing is anything resembling work. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to drive through six inches of new snow to take my daughter to school. I’m dreading going back to pick her up because I don’t think it’s stopped coming down yet. I don’t feel like cooking anything.

All I feel like doing is sleeping.

I sort of know why I’m feeling so tired. It’s a combination of things. Just the right combination of things to knock me off my feet and make me want to hibernate.

But certain things need to be done. Cooking has to happen so we can eat. My daughter has to get to school because there is no such thing as a snow day in this district. And sometimes things need to be blogged so everyone else feeling this knows they aren’t alone in it.

Also, it’s okay to rest. It’s perfectly fine to slow down. To not do anything more than necessary.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

Dream

For nothing is impossible with God – Luke 1:37 (NIV)

And yet how often are we told our dreams are impossible? That what we most desire to be/do/experience/live in our lives is impossible and we should be more realistic?

But what if these ‘impossible’ dreams are God’s plan for our lives? What if they are visions granted to us by God as ways to use our God given gifts and abilities to their fullest extent?

What if the people telling us to ‘be more realistic’ are actually advising us to ignore God’s will for our lives?

Christmas Break

Due to the upcoming holidays and other things, I’m taking December off from this. I will be checking back for comments and such, but otherwise I’ll see you in January.

Wishing everyone a safe and happy December 🙂

Days Go By

Life as usual, with all the things I’ve committed to do in a week.

And then I get sick. Sicker than I have been in quite a while. Sick enough I’m still recovering over a week later.

It sucks.

Things don’t get done because I’m not able to get to them. So they pile up. Because heaven forbid my husband or his cousin who lives with us pick up the slack. I’m not going to kid myself. So often it feels like they barely do a minimum of the work they promise to do. So now I’m left playing catch up.

Catch up on getting the kitchen clean. Catch up on my writing. Catch up on finding something to give my husband for his birthday, which is this Saturday. Catch up on all the other balls which get dropped when my energy wanes for any reason.

All I really feel like doing is getting lost in a book. Or camping out in Skyrim (Elder Scrolls V) for a week.

Remembrance Day

 

Remembrance Day (as it’s observed in Canada) is in two days, although many places will be closed Monday in lieu. I believe the date set reflects the end of World War I, ninety-nine years ago. I’m sure the ceremonies next year will not fail to mention the century which has passed.

The Great War. The war to end all wars. That’s what they called World War I, in the brief years leading up to World War II. But then World War II came. And then the Korean War. And the Vietnam War. And, in the background for decades, there was the Cold War. I’m old enough to vaguely remember the first war in Iraq. I was an adult by 9/11, which triggered the war in Afghanistan. Has that one even ended? And then a second war in Iraq.

Those are only the highlights. It seems like there’s always conflict somewhere in the world. Sometimes it’s contained within a single country. More often it’s between countries. And it never ends. If it isn’t in one part of the world, it’s in another. It goes back almost as far as human history. It will likely continue, in some form or another, until the end of this world.

It’s said we need to remember these conflicts. How they started. How they ended. Why they happened. All those sacrificed in the process. It’s also said those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And what is the point of remembering, if not to learn from these events. The problem is those who do learn the lessons from history still have to watch those who didn’t repeat it. Over and over and over. Like watching a slow motion train wreck and feeling helpless to prevent it from happening.

And wondering how much more of this the world can take. How many people have to be sacrificed? How much land has to be devastated? How many resources have to be wasted? What will we do when there’s nothing left? How can people not see what effect this is having in our world right now?

I am ever so grateful to know this: In the end, Love always wins.

Costumes and Jackhammers

Somehow it’s nearly the end of October and Hallowe’en is approaching faster than I want to think about. My daughter is, of course, counting down the days until she can go trick or treating. Her costume is ready and she’s getting excited. I’m not sure whether I’ll attempt to dress up or not. What I do know is I will be doing the same as last year… handing out small, non edible treats to those who come to our door. I’m fairly certain we had more happy visitors than not and it avoids the landmine handing out edible treats has become.

In the meantime, I’m working to a background noise of jackhammer, shoveling, saws, and whatever else strata’s maintenance guys are using to replace the fence around our front yard. I know it needed doing. What gets me is the original notice said five to fourteen days, starting September 21st. Somehow they’re still working on it. Given that we’ve already had snow once this year and several light frosts, they’re pushing it to get the posts in place before the ground seriously freezes for the winter.

2017 is nearly over. I had a shock this morning when I was looking at the moon phases chart I use. There are only two more cycles of the moon left for this year. And, even though I’ve been trying to be more present in my life, I feel like I blink and the time is gone. I look around and I wonder what I actually have to show for any of it. I guess no more or less than anyone else around me.

Wishing all my readers a safe and happy All Hallow’s Eve.

Dark of the Year

It’s that time of year again. The part of the year where I have to wake up in the dark and somehow find the energy to get up and get my daughter up and start our day. The part of the year where I may not see the sun until after my daughter has been dropped off at school.

I would happily stay in bed until there’s actual daylight outside. This getting up in the middle of the night (that’s what 7am feels like right now) is insane. I’m pretty sure humans were originally intended to sleep through the dark and be up with the sun… or at least whatever is passing for daylight.

And then Daylight Savings time will end. (Why do we even still have this in a society which has us up at all kinds of strange hours anyway?) And it will be dark outside by the time I’m taking my daughter to her late afternoon/early evening classes.

And then we’ll reach the winter solstice and it will be dark when I get up and dark when I’m making supper. And all I’m really going to want to do is hibernate. Seriously, why don’t humans hibernate? I would much rather do that than deal with the dark and the deep cold and the deep snow and ice.