In a universe which feels so immense. I just want to curl up inside myself. How can God use something so insignificant?
That’s the doubts creeping in. The comparing of all the broken pieces of me to the seemingly unbroken appearance of others.
But how to replace the doubts with faith? How do I stop making unfair comparisons? Not easily, that’s for certain.
Sometimes all the prayer in the world doesn’t seem to hold any answers. Sometimes God feels so completely out of reach. Sometimes I feel so broken and disconnected from anything and everything around me.
And yet God can reach me even there. Even when I’m feeling my smallest and most insignificant.
And for that I thank Him.
Since New Years I’ve been swamped with e-books and e-courses and similar resources, all geared towards healing and moving on with my life. While I did not choose to participate in all of them, I’ve done enough over the last nearly two and a half months to leave me feeling a little overwhelmed. I’ve learned a whole lot and I’m grateful for the opportunities.
But God knew I needed to slow down. I’ve never been grateful for the common cold before, but this one took me right out of action for at least a week. It took out my husband as well, resulting in a very quiet week of more family time than we’ve had in far too long.
Not to say I was happy about the cold itself. Being stuffed up with a raw throat and cough sucks. But it came with the opportunity to stop and think. To evaluate what I’ve been doing this year and how I’ve been approaching it. To consider what to continue with and what to drop. And a reminder of just why my priorities are what they are. For as clogged as my sinuses were, my mind felt surprisingly clear. Maybe moreso than it’s been in a while.