I Never Expected to Ever…
People warn that ‘never’ is a very long time. And with that is usually a warning to watch what is said never to. At the same time, in our convictions there are always things we think we would never do, never say, never want. I’m grateful for a God who doesn’t hold me to what I said “I would never…” in the past.
Because our circumstances change. Our lives change and with it our views and beliefs and values. It’s part of living and growing to learn and change. Our convictions can change and suddenly there can come a moment when “I would never…” becomes “maybe I would…” or even “I want…”
For example: I grew up in a home without pets of any kind. Most of my rather awkward interactions with other people’s pets didn’t go well. As a result, for many years, I said I would never want pets in my home. In the last couple years, partly due to a feeling of insecurity in a home in a neighbourhood where the police are frequently seen for any number of reasons, I’ve had a growing desire for a dog. It surprised and amused people when I said I’d changed my mind. Currently, I have a cat, but I’m hoping, when the vision I’m feeling God calling me to falls into place, to finally get my dog.
But the more recent reversal on a ‘never’ is going to surprise and not amuse, even upset, most of the people who know me.
Going into my marriage, I firmly believed in “Til death do us part.” I expected my marriage to last until one of us died. I was firmly convinced my marriage would never end for any other reason. (And to, there was a desire to prove wrong all the people who said it would never last. Some even said we wouldn’t make it through the first year.)
But, and for months I didn’t want to face this, in order to walk the path I feel God calling me to walk, my husband and I need to part ways. There are a multitude of reasons and it gets all kinds of complicated, especially since we are still and intend to remain close friends. It’s just something I never imagined I’d be facing. And worse to now have to deal with all the people who will either want to say “I told you so” or demand explanations of what happened or, worse yet, want to ‘fix’ this for us.
I feel God calling me to trust Him on this, no matter how hard. And I know He promises to see me through. That His Will will not lead me where His Grace can’t keep me. In that, His timing never fails to amaze. As I’m grappling with the reality of the separation, the link below was posted to a Facebook group I’m a member of.
I love her tag line “Because sometimes life hands you lemons.” Yes, even God sometimes hands out lemons. This is for those who are currently or have in the past gone through significant break up or divorce. The Break Up Boot camp begins next week, but I believe the Limonchello Society is ongoing.