Like A Yo-yo
I find there’s a distinct and rather irritating correlation between my blood sugar levels and my mood. And especially my ability to find any positives in my current situation. Over the past few months I’ve been up and down like a yo-yo… or a roller coaster… take your pick. It doesn’t really matter. Overall, it just doesn’t feel good.
On the all too rare occasions when I am feeling good, it’s easy to believe God has this all in hand and it will all work out. I can relax and allow Him to work. I can find the motivation to deal with anything I need to.
More of the time I feel like crap. I’m tired. I’m irritable. I feel like nothing will ever change and I’ll be stuck in limbo for the rest of my life. I question whether God could possibly even care about me. I wonder why He would have any use for someone who is such a mess all the time.
Did I mention there’s a correlation to my blood sugar levels here?
Anyone, diabetic or not, with the sensitivity to feel when their blood sugar is too high or too low, likely knows what I’m talking about in terms of feeling good versus feeling like crap. It doesn’t take a glucose meter to tell when my blood sugar is off. All it takes is a pause to breathe and really feel what’s happening in my body. Of course the problem is taking that pause when I don’t feel good. Out of whack blood sugar isn’t conducive to slowing down and taking stock. It’s much more conducive to snapping people’s heads off and hoping a nap will make me feel better. (It never does.)
The other irritant here is I actually know what I need to do in order to maintain balanced blood sugar through the day. I even know strategies for bringing down high blood sugar. What I just can’t seem to manage is applying them. Two years later, I’m still fighting with this because it feels like no sooner do I get sort of on track, then something comes along and kills any and all progress I’ve made.
I sure hope God has things in hand here, because apparently I just can’t do this on my own. When I’m down, I wonder if I can even do it with His help. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I pray for healing, for the means to change my physical health. Feels like I’m still waiting for Him to come through.
I do believe He will yet.