Due to the upcoming holidays and other things, I’m taking December off from this. I will be checking back for comments and such, but otherwise I’ll see you in January.
Wishing everyone a safe and happy December 🙂
Life as usual, with all the things I’ve committed to do in a week.
And then I get sick. Sicker than I have been in quite a while. Sick enough I’m still recovering over a week later.
Things don’t get done because I’m not able to get to them. So they pile up. Because heaven forbid my husband or his cousin who lives with us pick up the slack. I’m not going to kid myself. So often it feels like they barely do a minimum of the work they promise to do. So now I’m left playing catch up.
Catch up on getting the kitchen clean. Catch up on my writing. Catch up on finding something to give my husband for his birthday, which is this Saturday. Catch up on all the other balls which get dropped when my energy wanes for any reason.
All I really feel like doing is getting lost in a book. Or camping out in Skyrim (Elder Scrolls V) for a week.
Somehow it’s nearly the end of October and Hallowe’en is approaching faster than I want to think about. My daughter is, of course, counting down the days until she can go trick or treating. Her costume is ready and she’s getting excited. I’m not sure whether I’ll attempt to dress up or not. What I do know is I will be doing the same as last year… handing out small, non edible treats to those who come to our door. I’m fairly certain we had more happy visitors than not and it avoids the landmine handing out edible treats has become.
In the meantime, I’m working to a background noise of jackhammer, shoveling, saws, and whatever else strata’s maintenance guys are using to replace the fence around our front yard. I know it needed doing. What gets me is the original notice said five to fourteen days, starting September 21st. Somehow they’re still working on it. Given that we’ve already had snow once this year and several light frosts, they’re pushing it to get the posts in place before the ground seriously freezes for the winter.
2017 is nearly over. I had a shock this morning when I was looking at the moon phases chart I use. There are only two more cycles of the moon left for this year. And, even though I’ve been trying to be more present in my life, I feel like I blink and the time is gone. I look around and I wonder what I actually have to show for any of it. I guess no more or less than anyone else around me.
Wishing all my readers a safe and happy All Hallow’s Eve.
It’s that time of year again. The part of the year where I have to wake up in the dark and somehow find the energy to get up and get my daughter up and start our day. The part of the year where I may not see the sun until after my daughter has been dropped off at school.
I would happily stay in bed until there’s actual daylight outside. This getting up in the middle of the night (that’s what 7am feels like right now) is insane. I’m pretty sure humans were originally intended to sleep through the dark and be up with the sun… or at least whatever is passing for daylight.
And then Daylight Savings time will end. (Why do we even still have this in a society which has us up at all kinds of strange hours anyway?) And it will be dark outside by the time I’m taking my daughter to her late afternoon/early evening classes.
And then we’ll reach the winter solstice and it will be dark when I get up and dark when I’m making supper. And all I’m really going to want to do is hibernate. Seriously, why don’t humans hibernate? I would much rather do that than deal with the dark and the deep cold and the deep snow and ice.
Here in Canada, Thanksgiving falls on October 9th this year. A date which is rapidly approaching and I find myself calculating what more needs to be bought for dinner and when I have to pull the turkey out to thaw.
Turkey dinner is all fine and (usually very) good, but the point of Thanksgiving is to pause and express gratitude for the harvest (originally) and all the things we have. A time to stop and take stock of how much we really have in our lives.
Gratitude has become one of those words. Overused, too often to try to sell some service or thing. And when a word becomes one of those, it’s actual meaning seems to get lost in the buzz.
Because Gratitude is actually very important, provided it is combined with sincerity. It’s easy to say (or post) that you’re grateful for something or someone or some event. But are you actually feeling it? Are you really grateful for what you claim to be? Or are you merely caught up in the latest self-help trend?
What we are sincerely grateful for we are far less likely to take for granted. We’re more likely to remember to acknowledge its affect on our lives.
I know some things (people, events) are hard to feel true gratitude for. Blessings do come in some really obnoxious/unpleasant/upsetting disguises. Sometimes it’s a matter of doing the best we can now and finding the sincere gratitude in hindsight.
What are you sincerely grateful for in your life?
For myself, I’m incredibly thankful for my husband and all the ways he supports me and my work; for our beautiful, active, strong willed daughter; for my high strung fuzzball of a Bandit kitty; for all the resources I have to draw on to build my life and business; and for Life in Jesus Christ.
Sometimes all you can do is Breathe
I don’t remember exactly what I was looking at when this popped into my head. I’m fairly sure I was online, reading something someone had posted about their life going to pieces and being unsure what to do next. The specifics of the situation escape me, especially given how much of this kind of stuff I see daily.
Because lives fall apart all the time. Things, big or small, are lost. Plans fall through. What appeared to be a sure bet turns out to be anything but. I know I’m not the only one who feels like there is always “another shoe.”
And it’s all largely out of our control. Yes, some of these things trace, at least partially, back to the choices we’ve made. We can make the best choices we know how and life will still happen.
It’s all too tempting, when life sucks, to complain and blame and look for an external source to fix it all for us. But none of those things have any power to change what happened. They also have no power whatsoever to improve our future prospects. What they’re really good for is keeping us stuck.
What really needs to happen next is we need to breathe. Sometimes it’s all we can do.
One breath at a time
One step at a time
One day at a time
Cold season apparently.
No sooner did my daughter start public school again than she brought home a head cold and shared it with myself and her dad. If there was ever anything I really wish she would keep to herself and not share, it’s the colds and flus that go around public schools.
It’s really hard to concentrate enough to accomplish anything when my head is stuffed right up. Worse is not having any energy and needing to nap to survive the day. Add to that the self imposed guilt which comes with not even being able to keep on top of my usual day tasks.
Not that beating up on myself is going to make the cold go away any faster. Especially since I know stress is only going to make it hang around longer.
It’s hard to give myself permission to rest and recover and know that I will be able to catch up on all the things I can’t manage right now. So hard to not feel guilty over slowing down and allowing my body to heal.
I’m attempting something new this year.
For the past two years, I’ve been driving my daughter to and from school, for numerous reasons. This year I’m trying to walk with her, at least to school. I think she would like to walk both ways, but it’s fifty minutes, from the time we leave the house until I get home. I still don’t have the energy to attempt that more than once a day. Maybe by next spring, if life doesn’t go completely sideways on me yet again.
When we leave the house, we pass all kinds of trees with leaves now seriously turning yellow. There are yellow leaves on the front walk as well as up in the tree in the front yard. There are starting to be leaves on the sidewalks and a few in the school yard, although most of the trees on the school grounds are coniferous.
It’s definitely autumn here. Morning fogs (although still containing too much smoke), colourful leaves, back to classes. New routines and still wondering how all the things are going to settle this time.
Not something I’ve ever been good at, although I’ve gotten somewhat better in recent years.
Overwhelm, confusion, discombobulation
These things I know far too well and I know they serve to make life and decision making harder instead of easier. They sap my energy and cause me to throw my hands up in the air and try to quit.
Because in the overwhelm and confusion and all the crap those dredge up (fear, doubt, struggle) it’s hard to know what to do. I find too many decisions made under these conditions don’t turn out well. Because when I feel like I’m drowning in all this, I start looking for answers externally. And there are all kinds of answers thrown out there. Everyone has a solution to my problems. The problem is, those are their solutions.
It’s in the Stillness
Because when I grow still, when I seek quiet reflection time, I’m reminded that the answers I seek, the solutions I need, aren’t out there at all. All those external solutions aren’t for me. The answers to all the most important questions are inside and it’s only in the Stillness I have the ability to hear them clearly.
Be Still and Know
Sit and breathe and look inside. Sit and breathe and ask all the questions. Sit and breathe and Know the answers aren’t out in the world at all. They’re right there, inside you, waiting for you to stop and sit and breathe and ask.
This is where you learn what’s True for you.
This is where you will find all the Love you could ever need.
This is where you Know what you need to move forward.
And it will be scary and hard and you will want to quit and you won’t want to see or hear or feel. And you will be strongly tempted to give in to all the distractions around you. And then, if you remain still, it will get easier and life will flow far better. The flows will carry you higher and farther. The ebbs won’t freak you out as badly. And all the things you desperately long for will seem less impossible… maybe even feel more real, more achievable.
And you will find it easier to Be Still.
And all those external solutions which aren’t really for you anyway won’t seem nearly so appealing.