Sometimes I wonder why I keep paying for the domain name attached to this blog when I so rarely post anything. It never auto renews properly and can be a bit of a hassle. But I like having the simpler name than what would be the WordPress default. It’s easier to remember and share elsewhere. And I do still post, when I feel like I have something I can share.
The last couple weeks have just been… well, life ebbing.
Why did it have to be the driver’s side windshield wiper that quit? Especially in the middle of a northern BC winter. Well, hopefully it will get fixed today, if things go even sort of right. As much as I hate the deep freeze (we saw -42C with wind chill this year), the cold and clear has meant the windshield stays clear without the wipers.
The subpoena for Valentine’s day. I knew it was coming. I know why, when the trial is, what it’s all for. I also know there’s a publication ban for protection of the victim. It’s always for the protection of the victim and I’m fine with that. But that’s almost the only thing I got for Valentine’s day this year. Why couldn’t they have waited twenty-four hours?
My birthday. Ugh.
It isn’t that I’m getting older. I’m fine with that. It’s the two week or more annual pre-birthday funk. And the not knowing what I want to do for it. And the feeling like nobody else cares. Also the tendency of certain people to forget when they can manage to remember other family birthdays. Most years I would happily skip most of February to avoid all this.
And then this borrowed laptop not wanting to work properly when I still need it for another couple weeks. I know it’s old. And I know it won’t even consider running the OS I would prefer. I don’t care if it quits once it goes back to its owner. I’m not sure he cares either because he’s knows it’s old. But just for another week or two. Just until I can replace my old one that quit.
Blessings mixed with ebbings, because that’s the way this life goes. I guess the trick is to keep watch for the blessings.
Happy Birthday to my sister, B. Heather Mantler
At least it sure feels like it.
Maybe it’s the annual funk which lasts the first three weeks of February. Until my birthday is over and I can cry for what did/didn’t happen and move on with the year.
Maybe it’s watching my family expand and our income stay the same. (Actually, if the current Canadian government does what’s rumoured to the Child Tax Credit, we’ll have less per month than we do now.)
Maybe it’s trying to get my business off the ground and having zero reach and no one buying.
Maybe it’s seeing the stats for this blog and my business website and knowing I’m barely even seen.
Maybe it’s wondering how we’re going to stay fed ’til payday when the rent and bills ate up what paycheque we got.
Maybe it’s all of the above.
And just maybe it’s only for now and things might finally get better. But it’s so hard to keep promises of better in mind when I’m looking at what I am right now.
On the upside, I’m able to write when I didn’t expect to be. That’s something.