Mostly because I’ve been uncertain what to write. So many things going on. None of them quite what I’ve been hoping for. And also a feeling like I’ve been living in some kind of holding pattern. I feel stuck and I have no idea how to break out of the rut I’ve found myself in.
And too, I’m finding I’ve wandered far away from my original intention for this blog. Since I really don’t remember what I was thinking at the time, I kinda have to go back to the tagline. So unless everything goes sideways yet again, the next few posts will be a combination of how I got to where I am now and what’s been going on recently.
It’s the end of October, which here can mean snow, although I haven’t seen any yet, and below freezing temperatures. So far we’ve had rain and a few frosts, but all the pretty coloured leaves have fallen and it looks pretty grey out most of the time. We’re also coming up on the winter solstice and the hours of dark far outnumber the hours of daylight. Worse, rainclouds keep it dark even during the day. Bottom line, where I live, it’s cold and dark almost constantly right now.
I’m feeling it right down deep. As if the cold and dark have crept inside me. I can’t seem to get warm. I feel like I can’t see anything of what’s ahead. Not sure I’m even really seeing what’s around me right now. Accomplishing anything, including this post, is a struggle and there’s a whole long list of things I feel called to do which I also feel like I just can’t deal with right now.
All the positive affirmations sound hollow… just so many words. Knowing in my head that “this too shall pass” isn’t helping right now. I’m just not feeling it.