From a child forced into church and Sunday school attendance to a woman who realizes neither are necessary.
From the thou shalts and thou shalt nots to a tossing aside of the rules.
From the fear of being ‘bad’ and going to hell to knowing nothing can keep me from heaven.
From living in fear of everything and everyone to living in Love.
From needing everything to be perfect and in control in order to be acceptable to knowing all that matters is the effort to truly listen and obey regardless of the results.
From believing salvation to be buried somewhere in the rules and laws to knowing it’s solely in Jesus’s Love.
From feeling insignificant and unworthy to knowing I matter.
From feeling crammed into ill fitting moulds to knowing my unique gifts have purpose and will support me and mine.
All this has been a very long time coming, but it’s time to own what’s mine.
In a universe which feels so immense. I just want to curl up inside myself. How can God use something so insignificant?
That’s the doubts creeping in. The comparing of all the broken pieces of me to the seemingly unbroken appearance of others.
But how to replace the doubts with faith? How do I stop making unfair comparisons? Not easily, that’s for certain.
Sometimes all the prayer in the world doesn’t seem to hold any answers. Sometimes God feels so completely out of reach. Sometimes I feel so broken and disconnected from anything and everything around me.
And yet God can reach me even there. Even when I’m feeling my smallest and most insignificant.
And for that I thank Him.
On WordPress, starting a blog, by faith and a whole lot of grace. Because without those two, I wouldn’t have even considered doing something like this. So, here I go.
I’m Sarah. I’m a wife. I’m a mother. I dabble in custom sewing, crafts and jewelry, which I’m hoping to eventually turn into a web based business. I do a bit of writing and a lot of editing and formatting for other people via a publishing start up I’m supposedly a partner in. The supposedly part of that is a very long story which may or may not turn up as a separate post.
Most importantly, I’m a child of God.
Not that long ago, I wouldn’t have considered saying that even to myself. And there are a lot of people in my life currently who wouldn’t believe it. Who may never believe it because my path to God hasn’t been the proscribed one I was taught growing up. And because even now the ways I choose to live out my faith aren’t necessarily what they think faith in God should look like.
But it’s my path, my journey, my faith and, in the end, my salvation.
I can’t dictate anyone else’s path. I don’t want to. It’s all I can do to follow my own. Still, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. And if any of this resonates with you, I want you to know you’re not alone either.