From a child forced into church and Sunday school attendance to a woman who realizes neither are necessary.
From the thou shalts and thou shalt nots to a tossing aside of the rules.
From the fear of being ‘bad’ and going to hell to knowing nothing can keep me from heaven.
From living in fear of everything and everyone to living in Love.
From needing everything to be perfect and in control in order to be acceptable to knowing all that matters is the effort to truly listen and obey regardless of the results.
From believing salvation to be buried somewhere in the rules and laws to knowing it’s solely in Jesus’s Love.
From feeling insignificant and unworthy to knowing I matter.
From feeling crammed into ill fitting moulds to knowing my unique gifts have purpose and will support me and mine.
All this has been a very long time coming, but it’s time to own what’s mine.
In a universe which feels so immense. I just want to curl up inside myself. How can God use something so insignificant?
That’s the doubts creeping in. The comparing of all the broken pieces of me to the seemingly unbroken appearance of others.
But how to replace the doubts with faith? How do I stop making unfair comparisons? Not easily, that’s for certain.
Sometimes all the prayer in the world doesn’t seem to hold any answers. Sometimes God feels so completely out of reach. Sometimes I feel so broken and disconnected from anything and everything around me.
And yet God can reach me even there. Even when I’m feeling my smallest and most insignificant.
And for that I thank Him.