That I communicate better in writing than in person speech.
That God’s grace is larger than any problem I could ever face in this world.
That God keeps His promises, whether or not they take the form I’d like to expect.
That God promises to provide all my needs, large and small.
That nothing in this world is forever, no matter how much I wish it could be.
That God’s truth is no less true for me wishing it weren’t.
That nothing is impossible for God.
That God knows I’m only human and will always meet me where I am.
That Jesus can forgive and heal any hurt, no matter how painful or large it seems at the time.
That no matter what I forget or how often, God will never turn his back on me.
Some things take infinitely more grace than others. I find this is one of them. Fortunately Jesus has infinite grace and forgiveness for me. I just have to learn to extend those to the past. To forgive the people I’d much rather blame. To accept that nothing can change any of what was done or said. It was what it was. I have to forgive. And then move on.
This was brought home to me fairly clearly a few weeks ago and I know I’ve been struggling with it since. My tendency is to dwell in the past. To wish in vain for a way to go back and change what happened. I know it isn’t possible. What I’m learning also isn’t possible is to move forward while stuck on past hurts.
I desperately want to move forward. I’m longing to see what God has in store for me. For my future, my work, my family. I’m frustrated by the messages of ‘have patience’ and ‘let go’ I keep receiving when I so much want to get to what is coming. This lesson in forgiveness and letting go, in patience and growth… I feel like I’m living in a space in between. In between a past I’m having trouble forgiving and releasing and a future which isn’t coming as fast as I want. In between my old life of being sick and stuck and the new life I know God has planned for me.