Yes, I do know there is a gap of about a year and a half between posts on this blog.
Yes, I have been more or less in hiding.
Yes, I am slowly attempting to ease back into a number of things. It’s a very slow process as the stuff in my life shifts and then shifts again.
I’m having to relearn, yet again, how to live some way other than constantly lost in my own head. It’s hard habit to break. It’s such an old habit, so deeply ingrained.
I grew up lost in my own head. I think I was trying to survive. Except somewhere in trying to survive, I never really learned how to live. And only now, in my thirties, am I trying to figure out how to really live instead of merely survive. Too many days I wonder if it’s even possible now.
And yet I know women far older than I am are walking the same path, unlearning the same lessons so they can learn new ones.
How to live in the light instead of someone’s shadow. How to find a voice so long ago silenced. How to stand alone. How to really truly Love. How to be a whole human being. How to live out all these things so our daughters learn them early.
From a child forced into church and Sunday school attendance to a woman who realizes neither are necessary.
From the thou shalts and thou shalt nots to a tossing aside of the rules.
From the fear of being ‘bad’ and going to hell to knowing nothing can keep me from heaven.
From living in fear of everything and everyone to living in Love.
From needing everything to be perfect and in control in order to be acceptable to knowing all that matters is the effort to truly listen and obey regardless of the results.
From believing salvation to be buried somewhere in the rules and laws to knowing it’s solely in Jesus’s Love.
From feeling insignificant and unworthy to knowing I matter.
From feeling crammed into ill fitting moulds to knowing my unique gifts have purpose and will support me and mine.
All this has been a very long time coming, but it’s time to own what’s mine.
I find it disturbing, just how many religions operate based on fear of hell and/or the devil. They provide long lists of laws and rules which must be followed. Long lists of things to avoid as being evil or of the devil. Fail to toe the line, fail to ‘fess up’ to the slightest mistake, and go straight to hell. Some are quicker to punish than others, but fear runs high and stuffs all else into some dusty forgotten corner.
But what if… God really is Love, first and foremost, above and beyond anything else?
And what if… when Jesus died on the cross, all the old laws and rules were tossed out the window?
What if only two rules even exist now: 1) Love 2) The ‘Do unto others…’ golden rule?